How to Handle Church Hurt
Living a life of peace with a constant presence of hope is a goal worthy of fighting for. God does not dangle the most beautiful things in front of our eyes without steps and actions we can take to reach them.
The longer we live, the more we realize our most precious possessions are things that cannot be seen with our natural eyes, nor be purchased with all the money in the world. They include things like love, peace, joy, hope, sincere relationships, supportive friends, and other beautiful things that are felt with the heart.
All of us can be grateful that God does not care what our starting point is when we surrender our lives to Him. Some of His children come from homes where love was felt and good morals were practiced, yet personally knowing Jesus was missing. Others come from broken homes where tremendous pain had been suffered, and there is little knowledge about what an average functioning family looks like. Our Savior doesn’t care what mile marker of the journey we are on. What He does care about is that we are on the road and our faces are turned toward Him! When we are looking toward Him and following Him, progress will be made to attain what our human hearts crave and need most.
While this is not an exhaustive list, making some adjustments in the following areas will boost all of us several steps further down the path of our personal journeys for peace and hope.
Dealing with Church Hurt
This is a subject none of us want to claim within our own churches, nor do we ever want to experience this type of hurt. Unfortunately, it happens. It can happen to a family member, our close friends, and often, even to our pastor! He or she is not exempt and has probably experienced more of it than we will ever know. Finding a new church is not an option for him or her. For us, it may be an option, but is not always a wise option. If we are in a church that preaches truth and strives to follow Christ, the better option may be to exemplify the characteristics of Christ and encourage the church family to do the same. Now, how do we handle church hurt?
First, remember that humans make mistakes. Humans also act out sometimes when they’re under a tremendous amount of stress. Some hurts may come from those described above, who come from dysfunctional homes that don’t know the proper or Christian way to act. They have not matured enough yet to understand their actions. These types of hurts are unintentional. We help ourselves to heal when we realize the one who hurt us did not intend to, and we also salvage friendships and preserve unity in the church family when we forgive.
When someone in the church family intentionally hurts us, the Bible exposes what those offenders are. They are carnal. They are not being spiritually minded. Galatians 5:19-21 lists the carnal works of the flesh: “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
It’s frustrating to experience church hurt from those who are not trying to grow in their relationship with God, but we must be careful that our emotions don’t cause us to blame the entire church in such cases. Nor the pastor. Many times, he is praying for direction on how to handle those who are causing problems (many other times, he is the last to even know that there is a problem).
The Bible addresses these people in many scriptures:
“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites…” Romans 16:17-18
“But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.” 1 Corinthians 5:11
“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” Proverbs 6:16-19
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
In order to attain all that God wants for us, it becomes necessary to avoid those who hinder us spiritually. Even so, it is also necessary that we don’t allow their actions and attitudes to cause our own attitudes to become carnal. They are allowing the ways of the world and negative spiritual forces to influence their behavior, as Ephesians 6:12 says: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” We need to pray for them while we protect our own peace.
