Who Told You Who You Are? The Identity Crisis Many Christian Women Face

The greatest threat to your identity isn’t what people call you. It’s believing they have the authority to define you.

Who has had the greatest influence over how you see yourself? Take a moment and really think about that. For many of us, we started learning who people thought we were long before we learned who God says we are. Maybe it was something a parent said. Maybe it came from a teacher, a friend, or even someone at church. Maybe no one ever said it out loud, but it was something you picked up because of how people treated you.

Over time, those words have a way of settling in. Before we know it, we’re introducing ourselves by our past, our mistakes, our gifts, or even our pain instead of our identity in Christ. I’ve realized something over the years: people will always have an opinion about who you are. Some will define you by your worst mistake, while others will define you by your greatest gift. Some will only see where you are today and assume that’s all you’ll ever be.

But here’s the question we have to ask ourselves: Who actually has the authority to define us?

I immediately think about the conversation Jesus had with His disciples in Matthew 16. Jesus asked them, “Who do people say that I am?” The answers started coming. Some said John the Baptist. Others said Elijah. Some believed He was one of the prophets. Everyone had an opinion. Then Jesus asked another question: “But who do you say that I am?” I love this part because Peter’s answer didn’t come from public opinion. It came from revelation. Jesus told him that flesh and blood had not revealed it to him, but His Father who is in heaven.

The more I sat with this passage, the more I realized Jesus wasn’t looking for information. He already knew who He was. His question exposed the difference between public opinion and personal revelation. The crowds had opinions about Jesus, but Peter had a revelation because of his relationship with Him.

That made me stop and ask myself another question. If relationship revealed who Jesus was to the disciples, isn’t it through relationship with Him that we begin discovering who we are? I believe it is. That’s why I believe one of the greatest threats to our identity isn’t what people call us. It’s believing they have the authority to define us.

People define you by what they see. God defines you because He created what they see. Those are two completely different things. People see your current season. God sees the purpose He placed in you before you were born. People see your failures. God sees His workmanship. People see your circumstances. God sees His design. Opinions are just that, opinions. Authority belongs to the Creator.

One of the hardest parts of discovering who God says we are isn’t hearing His voice. It’s letting go of all the other voices we’ve believed for years. I think that’s why this is a process.

I’ve met people who genuinely love God. They pray. They read their Bible. They’re growing in their faith. Yet they’re still learning to let go of labels God never gave them. Why? Because some labels have been with us for so long that they feel normal.

Some of us have been called “not enough.” Others have been known as “the one who failed.” Maybe you’ve been labeled because of a divorce, an addiction, your family history, or a decision you made years ago. Then there are the labels people place on us because of what they observe. You’re the singer. You’re the businesswoman. You’re the intercessor. You’re the quiet one. You’re the strong one.

Sometimes those labels aren’t even negative. But if we’re not careful, we’ll allow people to put us in a box God never intended us to live in. I’ve learned that when you don’t know who God says you are, you’ll often accept whatever makes sense. If enough people call you something, eventually you’ll start wondering if they’re right.

That’s why relationship with God is so important. We cannot expect to know ourselves apart from the One who created us. The more time we spend with Him, the more He begins uncovering things we’ve believed that were never true to begin with.

As we grow, the Holy Spirit has a way of showing us the difference between what we’ve learned from life and what He is revealing through His Word. That’s spiritual maturity, not just learning new truth, but unlearning old lies. Little by little, our confidence starts shifting. We stop looking for people to tell us who we are because we’re learning to trust the One who has known us all along.