Not Every Good Man Is a Godly Man: Discernment for the Waiting, Dating & Married Woman

There’s a certain charm to a man who’s respectful, successful, and says all the right things. He holds doors open, sends good morning texts, and maybe even sits beside you in church. But let’s be honest—just because he’s a good man doesn’t mean he’s God’s man for you.

In a culture where emotionally available men are praised like rare gems, many purpose-driven women are settling for spiritually shallow relationships that look good on Instagram but leave their souls spiritually starved.

You’ve prayed. You’ve healed. You’ve been intentional. You’re building something meaningful with God—and the last thing you need is a relationship that distracts you from that. He may respect your faith, but does he carry it? He may support your calling, but can he cover you in prayer when life gets heavy?

There’s a difference between being admired and being aligned.

The Danger of Being Unequally Purposed

Being unequally yoked isn’t just about one person being saved and the other not. It’s about different assignments. A spiritually shallow man may not fight you—but he also won’t fight with you in the spirit. He may clap for your wins, but he’ll never understand the weight of your warfare.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
— 2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

Before long, you’ll find yourself shrinking—spiritually, emotionally, and purposefully—just to keep the peace in a relationship God never sent.

Godly Men vs. Good Men: Know the Difference

Let’s be clear:

A good man loves your body. A Godly man loves your soul.
A good man knows your goals. A Godly man knows your assignment.
A good man wants to build a life. A Godly man wants to build the Kingdom—with you.

“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”
— Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)

A good man may impress your circle. A Godly man will elevate your spiritual circle.

Faith Doesn’t Settle

Some women stay in spiritually shallow relationships because they’re tired of waiting. Others are afraid that if they say no to a good man, they’ll miss their chance. But faith doesn’t settle. Faith waits. Faith trusts. Faith believes that what God has for you will never require you to compromise your calling.

What If You’re Already Married to a Good Man Who Isn’t Yet a Godly Man?

If you’re already married and this message stirs something in you, know this—it’s not a rebuke. It’s a reminder of the power you carry as a praying wife. Your marriage is not without hope. In fact, your faith, consistency, and Christ-like example can be the very vessel God uses to awaken your husband spiritually.

But let’s be clear: you must also present yourself as a godly woman. If you desire transformation in your husband, it starts with surrender and obedience in your own walk. You can’t just pray for change—you must model it.

“In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
— 1 Peter 3:1–2 (NIV)

Saturate him in prayer, daily and consistently. Speak life over him—not just in church language but through your gentleness, your peace, and the way you carry yourself. Let your presence be so filled with God’s love that he feels the nearness of God when he’s near you.

This doesn’t mean becoming silent or small—it means becoming spiritually intentional. You are not nagging him into change; you’re inviting heaven into your home through your posture.

Prayer for Discernment (for the Single or Dating Woman)

Father, give me the courage to walk away from anything You did not assign to my life. Help me to trust You over my emotions and to see clearly beyond charm, chemistry, or convenience. Make my heart so aligned with Yours that I only desire what is divinely sent. I surrender my relationships to You, Lord. May I never settle for what’s good when You’ve called me to what’s God. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Prayer for the Wife Longing for Spiritual Alignment

Father, I thank You for my husband. I see the good in him, and I know You love him even more than I do. But God, I long for deeper spiritual unity. While I pray for You to work in him, I also ask You to work in me. Make me a reflection of Your love, wisdom, and grace. Let my life be a living example of what it means to walk with You. Teach me to lead with humility and strength, and to trust Your timing. Awaken my husband’s heart, Lord. Let Your presence dwell in our home. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

God is not just writing love stories—He’s writing purpose stories. Wait on the one who can love you and lead you. Who can pray with you and walk beside you. You weren’t called to settle for surface-level love. You were created for covenant.

Your story matters. If you’ve ever struggled to distinguish between a good man and a godly man—whether you’re waiting, dating, or married—we want to hear from you. Share your journey with us and inspire other women walking the same path. Together, we rise in faith and purpose.

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