How Going Through A Divorce Taught Me The Importance Of Faith And Self-Love

Rebuilding a life after divorce is something so many can relate to, yet each journey is deeply personal. With divorce rates climbing, staying married in today’s world is a miracle. When I found myself single again in 2018, I never imagined that my path would lead me through a maze of rejection, awkward dating experiences, and moments of deep despair—but that’s exactly what happened.

I am Paula Jones, a native of Oklahoma, born and raised in Oklahoma City. I have lived here for most of my life, although I also spent time in Dallas and Las Vegas. I am a speaker, licensed minister, and the founder of Stellar Creative, a company that provides publishing and graphic design services for faith-based creatives and authors. I am also the proud mother of six young adult children and have 12 grandchildren. I started my family at a young age, which has given me plenty of time to be fruitful and multiply.

Back in February of 2017, right between Valentine’s Day and my birthday, which is a week apart, my then-husband sat me down and said that he wanted to read a letter to me. In his letter, he expressed how unhappy he had been in the marriage and how he felt as though I was also unhappy based on some things he had observed. He shared that he felt we needed to look into getting a divorce. Now, when he said to look into getting a divorce, I thought maybe he was suggesting we explore the options or the idea and come back to the table. But I soon discovered he wanted out.

A few months before our 11th anniversary, he asked for the divorce, and I was devastated. I knew things were rocky, but I didn’t realize they were as bad as they had been. It kind of blindsided me. I thought I was in love. I believed I was still in the phase of being a great wife and doing all the things I needed to do to build a marriage. But it wasn’t working, and the time for that relationship was up. So, I had to go through a process, and one thing I can say about divorce is that it is a process.

You don’t just wake up one morning and decide, “Oh, I’m going to get a divorce,” and then merge right into a life of independence and singlehood. It is truly a process that you have to go through because if you don’t, and you short-circuit that process, you’re going to end up negatively impacting your mental health and possibly your physical health as well. So, I went through an entire process of grieving the loss of my marriage, grieving the loss of the dreams and hopes that I had for it. I was now on my own, without that companionship on a daily basis.

I had a really good friend who was going through something similar in her marriage, and we began to link arms and become prayer warriors for one another. Our friendship deepened through this process because we were supporting each other. We would get on the phone, pray, and intercede for each other.

There were days when I would struggle, feeling extremely depressed and anxious, and she would pray for me. I even lost the drive and passion that had fueled my ministry and business. That familiar spark dimmed as discouragement took root in my personal life. Then it would flip, and it would be the opposite—where she was struggling, and I would have to pray her through some things. Of course, there were many days of crying out to God, asking questions like, “Why me? Why didn’t we make it? Why did this marriage fail?” Lots of questioning God.

I rushed back into the dating pool, trying to piece my life back together. God put a “no” on that pretty quickly. However, I continued to forge ahead with the relationship until it was clear that I needed to let it go. I left feeling hopeless about ever finding true love again.

Many saw me smiling through it all, but few knew the weight I was carrying. As someone who struggled for years with depression and anxiety, I became skilled at hiding my true feelings—at least from those who couldn’t see beneath the surface. It wasn’t until I released control and surrendered to God’s higher plan that my journey began to turn around.

Slowly, I started to see glimpses of joy, feel my confidence returning, and rediscover my voice.

In a world where relationship status is put on a pedestal, I choose to focus on myself in a new way, embracing who I am as an individual, not just as part of a couple. I wasn’t sitting around waiting for love; I was rediscovering how to genuinely love myself. I didn’t always do the best job, but I attempted to eat healthier, take care of my body, exercise, get fresh air, and spend time in nature, which is one of my favorite places to be. That was pivotal for me. All my life growing up, I didn’t think I was an outdoors person per se. But when I reached this crucial point in my mental health and with this divorce, I had to discover an outlet, and one of my outlets was the local nature park that I live close to. I went to that place seeking refuge, and it became exactly that for me in that season.

I walked, prayed, talked to God, and cried in that nature park while walking those trails. Often, He would meet me there, and as they say in the Garden of Eden, in the cool of the day, there would be times when a breeze would blow, and I knew it was God saying, “I’m here with you. I’m carrying you, I’m supporting you, I love you, and you still have worth and value.” It was just the most beautiful time of my life.

The Word of God played a crucial role in my healing journey. I immersed myself in the Scriptures to discover affirmations about who I am and what God says about me, allowing me to rebuild my self-esteem from the inside out. The separation and divorce had taken a toll on my self-worth, leaving me feeling broken.

Healing is a continual process, especially after experiencing trauma, whether relational or emotional. I’m still navigating my healing from a challenging ten-plus-year marriage, as trauma affects both emotional and physical aspects. I believe God is guiding me through this journey, and I’m actively working on forgiving and letting go of past hurts. I expect this process to continue as I grow until God calls me home.

On June 8th of this year, I married the love of my life!

Our relationship is living proof that perhaps you don’t get it right the first time around, but this time it truly feels like the right fit. We are excited about building a life together.

Going through a divorce has taught me the importance of prioritizing myself. Choosing self-love is not selfish; it’s essential. In relationships, it’s easy to lose sight of one’s identity while trying to please others. Neglecting personal needs can lead to feelings of abandonment. Choosing myself means striving to be the best version of myself every day, honoring my body, mind, spirit, and emotions, and setting healthy boundaries. The key lesson is to never lose sight of who you are in a relationship. This ongoing journey of self-priority is vital for personal fulfillment and well-being.

This is Paula Jones’ story as told to Sherrell Valdezloqui | Photo credit: James Cooper – Pixtures4Words