From Fear to Freedom: How I Overcame Insecurities To Find My Voice and Purpose

I learned fear early. Somehow, during my childhood, I picked up the lie that I wasn’t what anyone wanted; no one wanted to see or hear from me. I was extremely shy, with low self-esteem and many insecurities. Simple conversations caused me anxiety. I lied to get out of speaking in front of people in any capacity. Outwardly, I presented as calm and unhurried, but deep down, my heart was full of turbulence, anxiety, and crippling fear.

I’m Remi Roy, and I was raised in Lagos, Nigeria by a single mom who did her very best. My mom taught us about God and lived a life congruent with what she taught. Despite this, I internalized that I wasn’t good enough and that other people had a better life, looked better, sounded better, and were more intelligent.

I found myself always shrinking back because, somehow, I could not find the strength to step outside of my comfort zone. My comfort zone was reading, doing well at school, studying, and being with my one or two friends who I really loved and felt understood me. 

I felt like God was calling me to greater things; I was full of dreams and ideas but lacked the courage to pursue them.

I started writing at an early age. I wasn’t an active or outgoing child, but what I lacked in action, I made up for with a vivid imagination. Writing came easy for me. But fear still had a death grip on me.

For many years as an adult, I experienced a lack of direction concerning my purpose and place in the world (struggling with infertility for almost a decade didn’t help either). Eventually, I moved to the US to pursue a master’s program in emerging media and communication. I loved that program. I loved my classes. I loved my professors. But even there, the fear continued because I was in a new space, a new environment, a different country, halfway around the world. I experienced culture shock as I did my best to navigate the educational system that demanded a lot from me mentally and even emotionally. 

With time, I knew that this was the enemy trying to silence me. I realized that if I held on to my fears and limitations, my future was pretty much set. It would be mundane, ordinary, with no impact and little to no fulfillment. My dreams would go to waste, and my passions would remain unexplored.

This wouldn’t do.

So, I began the journey of stripping myself of my real and perceived limitations, one layer at a time. This wasn’t an entirely conscious process but there were times when I had to take practical steps to move toward the life I wanted. I would tell myself, “Okay, in class today, you have to speak at least once. Write down what you want to say, think about it, practice it, and then go do it.” Little by little, I really believe that it was the Holy Spirit giving me very powerful guidance.

The dots were connecting more in hindsight, but it was tough. It required me to face the twin giants of fear and anxiety. It required me to reframe my perspective on how I saw and talked about myself, my abilities, my personality, and even my body. It required me to try things, in private first, then in public. I had to be okay with letting people find out that I was an adult who was afraid to talk to other adults because of what they might think of me.

I brought my work out into the light. I published three books and even did a book launch event that required me to speak in front of people, something the old me would never have done in a million years!

I created a platform called “Shepact” for driven introverts ready to step out with confidence and pursue their big ideas. I’m really passionate about helping people find their voice, especially those who identify as introverts, who are more reserved, maybe shy, maybe timid, and afraid to step out.

I started a podcast (of all things!), the Driven Introvert Podcast, where I share my stories, interview amazing people and encourage my listeners to throw off their real and perceived limitations because there’s greatness and fulfillment on the other side.

I’m committed to doing things that the Lord gives me permission and grace to do, even when I feel like I don’t have what it takes.

It was and still is hard work. However, I’m grateful to God and for all the wonderful people who encouraged and helped me—those who spoke life into me when I did not believe for myself that it was possible. God had a plan; He held my hand and didn’t give up on me. I’m grateful for that.

This is Remi’s story as told to Sherrell Valdezloqui