Dr. Shari Bowen on Becoming a Better Wife in 21 Days and Growing From Within
At 2:30 p.m. EST on a quiet February afternoon, when I joined the conference line, Dr. Shari Bowen was already there. On time. Ready. Calm. It was a small detail, but it said a lot. She showed up the same way she lives and leads, with intention and care.
There was no rush in her voice and no need to impress, just honesty. A devoted wife to her husband, Randy, a mother of six, an apostle of the gospel, speaker, Army veteran, and professor, she speaks from lived experience. As our conversation unfolded, one thing became clear: she understands that marriage will stretch you in ways you never expect. That understanding is what led her to write Becoming a Better Wife in 21 Days. “What led me to write this book? First and foremost, I am a wife,” she shared. “I am a wife for the second time around. I’ve been a wife for the last twenty years.”
She spoke candidly about the reality of marriage, not from theory, but from lived experience. “I know the road that my husband and I have been on has not been smooth, has not been crystal clear,” she said. “So many times we count numbers, but we don’t take account of the lessons that we’ve learned along the way, and we definitely don’t pass those lessons along.” As she reflected on her own journey, the purpose of the book became clear. “I was thinking, what can I do to tell a story? What can I do to share my story where people can hear real life, but also hear the power of God and how we can actually apply scripture to real-life situations?” she explained.
One of the strongest messages throughout the book is the importance of looking inward before pointing outward. “It’s so easy to see something and say, ‘Oh, that needs to change. That needs to be fixed,’” she said. “But doing that introspection is less. We really don’t look inside as much.” She referenced the biblical reminder many overlook. “The Bible talks about wanting to get the splinter out of my brother’s eye, but I’ve got this big plank in my own eye,” she shared. “So what I’ve learned is, stop focusing on another individual, which we have no control over in the first place, and let me focus on myself.” That mindset, she explained, requires accountability. “What is it about me that can change?” she asked. “Am I willing to shift my perspective? Am I willing to shift my attitude, my response?”
When the conversation turned to submission, Dr. Bowen did not shy away from the word. “Sometimes when we hear the word submit, we want to run,” she said. “We think it means I don’t get to do what I want to do.” She explained that understanding submission starts with understanding purpose. “If the Lord calls me a suitable helper, and part of being a suitable helper is submission, then I have to understand what that really means,” she said. “The Bible also says submit one to another. That posture is meant for the building of the family.”
For her, submission is not about losing identity, but about alignment. “If I take on the mindset that my role as a wife is an assignment, and in that assignment I have a servitude or a submission, what I’m doing is for the good of my family,” she explained. “I’m helping my husband as the helper and helpmeet that I am.” She tied it back to Christ’s example. “Christ came in humility,” she said. “He said, I came to serve, not to be served. So if I’m following Christ, what attitude am I supposed to have?” She acknowledged how difficult that posture can be within marriage. “How hard is it to bring that attitude into marriage?” she asked. “Marriage is something God ordained. He put that together with His own hands.”
When the conversation turned to women who feel more spiritually mature than their husbands, Dr. Bowen spoke with care and honesty. “Normally when I’m saved and he’s not, or I’m deeper in the Lord and he’s not, our focus becomes to change him,” she said. “But that’s not our job.” She explained how easily exhaustion sets in when a woman takes on a role she was never meant to carry. “If I get my job description wrong, all of my energy is focused on the wrong job,” she said. “That’s why I’m tired.” Instead, she pointed back to Scripture and character. “The Bible talks about how a husband can be won by watching our behavior,” she explained. “This book specifically speaks to my behaviors.”
Becoming a Better Wife in 21 Days walks readers through a daily journey of renewing the mind and forming new habits rooted in Scripture. Each day focuses on areas such as faith, love, humility, prayer, communication, and biblical submission not as a demand for perfection, but as an invitation to grow. “This book is not about perfection,” she said. “It’s about progress.”
Dr. Bowen was also careful to set honest expectations. “Every person still has their own free will,” she shared. “The same way God didn’t take my free will, He didn’t take the free will of that man.” Growth, she explained, does not guarantee immediate change in others — but it does open the door for personal transformation. “As I’m seeking to please God and to get better myself, that does not mean every other person is putting in that same effort,” she said. “But there is hope.”
Toward the end of our conversation, she spoke about her prayer for readers. “I pray that people know things can change,” she said. “That you can breathe again.” She acknowledged that marriage does not always look the way we imagine. “Sometimes we have a package in our minds of how marriage is supposed to be,” she shared. “And things don’t always work out that way. But as long as we are alive, we have the opportunity to choose differently.”
Dr. Shari Bowen is committed to helping married women and those preparing for marriage grow spiritually while strengthening their marriages according to God’s design. Through prayer, biblical wisdom, and real-life application, her work encourages women to walk in love, wisdom, and purpose both in their homes and in their relationship with God.
Her message is not about striving harder. It is about surrendering daily. And sometimes, becoming a better wife begins with the willingness to let God work on you first.
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