Breaking Barriers: Dr. Matisa Wilbon’s Journey to Empower Women and Challenge the Norms
Growing up in Hazard, Kentucky, Dr. Matisa Wilbon was surrounded by the simplicity and authenticity of a small town. Raised by her mother, who worked her way through nursing school while also serving as a pastor, Dr. Wilbon witnessed firsthand the power of determination and the importance of envisioning oneself beyond limitations. In an interview, Dr. Wilbon shared, “My mom’s example meant everything to me. I saw her go from seemingly being ‘powerless’ to being powerful and fully in control. She inspired me to realize my dreams.”
Driven by her mother’s resilience and her own desire to make a difference, Dr. Wilbon knew that education would be her way “IN.” Although Dr. Wilbon witnessed her mom’s triumphs, she also learned from her loneliness. “She did much of this with God and had some support, but she overwhelmingly did things on her own. I knew I needed a community.”
As Dr. Wilbon pursued higher education, taught at the university level, and preached across the globe, she realized the importance of being both a trailblazer and a cheerleader. It was during her graduate school years that Dr. Wilbon started her first women’s small group, “Women of a Higher Call,” which brought together college-aged and young adult women who were pursuing their goals in the marketplace while living a life for Christ. This group mirrored Dr. Wilbon’s own journey and became a platform for empowering women in ministry and the marketplace.
Reflecting on her mother’s journey through nursing school, Dr. Wilbon recalled, “Her desire for more and her work ethic to get there made a divine impact on me. She was a mother, a preacher, and worked as a nurse – the trifecta. I wanted so much to be like her.” Inspired by her mother’s determination, Dr. Wilbon believed that with God, she could achieve anything. This belief fueled her desire to obtain a Ph.D. and teach at a university, even as a first-generation college graduate.
Throughout her journey, Dr. Wilbon relied on her faith and the guidance of Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” While her peers in graduate school fought to stand out, Dr. Wilbon focused on serving at her local church and excelling in her studies. Despite being advised not to marry, she married the love of her life anyway, defied expectations and became the first in her cohort to graduate with a Ph.D.
As Dr. Matisa Wilbon continued to excel in her career and expand her ministry, she faced challenges and sacrifices. However, she firmly believes that when God is put first, He makes a way. “Some things He makes easy. Other things are hard, but in them, He gives me grace,” she shared. Now, with the launch of DisruptHers University, Dr. Wilbon is excited about the future and the opportunities it holds for empowering women in ministry and the marketplace.
Today’s Purpose Woman continues the conversation with Dr. Wilbon to discuss the impact of her Disrupt(H)ers Network, the challenges women face in pursuing their God-given purpose, stewarding roles, and more.
What inspired you to start the Disrupt(H)ers Network and what are your goals for the organization?
My life, my journey and my call inspired me to start Disrupt(H)ers University (DHU), formerly Disrupt(H)ers Network. As a sociologist and researcher, I have been trained to ask questions. Truthfully, I have always asked them. What I realized is that many of my questions centered on equity. For example, who is allowed “at the table” and who isn’t? Why is it that although women make up almost half of the population we only comprise about 12.9% of senior pastor/leader positions? When I was younger I was often the ONLY one in certain spaces or positions: the only female, the only person of color, the only person from Appalachia. But that position didn’t marginalize me, it empowered me to ask those questions. I wanted to know why there aren’t more women in positions of decision-making (in and outside of the church) and how we put them there.
When I asked God why I am in positions where I must always ask the hard questions, this was His response: “You are a disrupt(h)er. You are purposed to gracefully shake up the status quo and then build bridges so everyone is included.” And He has allowed me to do that in universities, organizations and churches across the country. The definition God gave me for a DisruptHer is “she who causes a necessary interruption to effectively and drastically alter a structure.” In other words, she dismantles old systems that won’t allow her in and creates new ones that makes room for the gift that is woman! She disrupts and builds back better.
Disrupt(H)ers University (DHU) is a network of women who are moving from one level to the next. They are being equipped, educated and given access to the things that will both cause disruption and the tools to make it better. It is a community of educated women who love God enough to live for Christ out loud while advancing the Kingdom in the marketplace. Through DHU, women are educated on everything from building resilience to building resumes. They are learning how to recognize imposter syndrome while fine-tuning skills that will help them lean in to C-Suite positions.
What are the key qualities that make a successful and effective leader, particularly for women in ministry and the marketplace?
I believe the qualities for leaders to be successful and effective are below and in no particular order:
• Good listener
• Effective communication
• Great collaborator/consensus-building
• Decisive
• Assertive (as needed)
• High in emotional intelligence
• Humble
• Vulnerable
• Disciplined
• Prepared
• Generous
Interestingly, some would look at these qualities and “gender” them as feminine. In reality, all leaders could benefit from feminized characteristics like vulnerability- the ability to identify strengths in weaknesses. Leaders need a hefty dose of “head” and “heart” to effectively lead institutions AND people.
What are some of the biggest challenges women face in pursuing their God-given purpose in ministry and the marketplace, and how does the Disrupt(H)ers Network address those challenges?
There are several challenges women face in pursuing their God-given purpose in ministry and the marketplace:
1. The first challenge women face is a lack of belief in themselves. They don’t believe they can do all that God has given them vision to do. They relegate the “big things” to others. These are the ones who scroll IG and FB marveling over what others have done but can’t believe it for themselves. DHU is for dreamchasers! In addition to courses, women can engage and communicate with other women and have one-on-one coaching with me. They take leadership and strengths assessments that will help them understand themselves as well as how that translates into how they show up in the world.
2. The second challenge is dreaming too small. Some women believe God can use them to minister and call them to be a mogul but only on a small scale. They allow their family limitations or lack of education to dictate how big they dream rather than measure their dream by the “bigness” of their God! Again, dreams are often cultivated in the presence of others. DisruptHers University offers monthly “God’s mind” sessions so women can seek God’s mind for their lives, brainstorm and push each other’s dreams.
3. The 3rd challenge women have is choosing not to discipline and/or develop themselves to do what they’ve been called to do. Lack of money, resources or connections is NOT an excuse to stay small. DisruptHers University is an amazing tool for women who want to fulfill God’s holistic call on their lives. There are courses that cover discovering purpose, how to build confidence, time management, emotional intelligence, finding resources for your small businesses, how to be an effective teacher, how to speak on a “big” stage, etc.
There are ample examples of women entrepreneurs + ministers in this community. Those who are hungry SHALL be fed!
4. The last challenge women have is failing to surround themselves with those who are doing what they want to do. The enemy has created a false narrative about women that some of us make a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fake news is that women are catty, competitive and non-collaborative. The reality is part of our nature is to commune…in community. When Mary became pregnant with Jesus, she was directed to go connect with another woman-her cousin, Elizabeth. It was in the presence of a young Mary that an older Elizabeth’s baby leaped!
Boaz would not have found Ruth without Ruth’s connection to her mother-in-law, Naomi. Esther would not have come into reign without the insolence of her predecessor, Vashti. She would not have been as effective of a deliverer without the handmaidens that fasted with her before she dared to go before the king! Lastly, there was a “gang” of women that followed Jesus on earth and proclaimed the Good news of his Resurrection when all was finished. Women need to be in the company of other women who are like-minded and forward-focused to advance the Kingdom.
How do you balance your roles as a woman leading in ministry, the marketplace, and motherhood?
Quite frankly, I don’t balance those roles. It is impossible. I steward them all to the best of my ability and ask God to give me grace in the gap. That’s as honest an answer as I can give. I know this is an age-old question to which there are many answers. I have a four-step framework for stewarding all that God has given me. 1. Keep God first (Matthew 6:33), 2. Love and honor my husband (Romans 12:10), 3.Train up my children in the ways of God (Prov 22:6), and 4. Multiply every talent God has given me (Matthew 25:14-30) in that order. I don’t perfectly balance but like the sons of Issachar, I discern times and seasons and get wisdom on prioritizing.
God is my lifeline so who I am is reflected in time spent with Him. That doesn’t mean I’m spending hours in prayer as I did when I was single and in college. But my time is intentional. I wake up earlier than the family so I can pray in peace and before the day begins. I listen to sermons and audiobooks that feed my spirit. I worship and listen to music while “chauffeuring” our children. Thankfully, I work from home, so I can manage my environment.
Research suggests that quality of time spent is much more effective in bonding and relationships than quantity of time. I make sure that time spent is time well spent. My husband and I make time for date nights. We also have designated family nights. When our children were younger, family night was weekly. Now that they are teenagers with their own events, it isn’t quite as frequent, but the foundation is there. Sometimes we spontaneously (though intentionally on my part) go out and get ice cream. I utilize our commute time (which can be long in Atlanta) for one-on-one momma/kiddo time.
Work and ministry are very important to me and I spend a great deal of time doing them both. I am somewhat of a “work-a-holic” so I don’t have a typical 9-5 workday. That’s why work/life balance feels like a bit of a misnomer. Work and ministry are part of my purpose and therefore, part of my life. I steward and honor what God has gifted me to do by spending as much time “working them” as possible. At the end of the day, I want to hear Him say “Well done thy good and faithful servant.”
Having said all of that, it is important to understand the season in which you find yourself. When our children were younger, I had to say “No” to things more often. Those early years were precious and I spent more time at home. However, I did not stop ministry. I continued writing content and doing as much as I could. That time period prepared me for where I am now. I was also a full-time professor during that period. I would bring my children to campus. I integrated my world with theirs. I watched Veggie Tales with them so could integrate their world into mine. I also leaned (and still lean) on my support system. My amazing husband is a wonderfully engaged father. Trusted friends babysat and acted IN MY STEAD when I had to travel. They could never be me but they instilled similar values in our children and treated them as I would. Was it perfect? No! Once I showed up to dinner at a local restaurant thinking the kids were with my husband. He was there, alone, because he thought they were with me. They were still at daycare! Thankfully, it wasn’t much past their normal pickup time, but we forgot them! I didn’t beat myself up over the mistake. We laughed and he went to pick them up. I realized then that our lives would always be wonderfully full, so I had to give myself grace.
My point: Steward all God has given you to the best of your ability. Stop trying to figure out how to balance it and ask God to help you integrate things so that the quality of relationships is nurtured and you can discern how to prioritize. Then, pray and ask God to give you grace in every gap. I am a witness that He can bless you do it all GRACEFULLY-meaning…full of GRACE. Not perfect. Graced. I don’t have it all together. I’m graced. And whatever God has given you, you are graced for it TOO!
What advice would you give to young women who are just starting their journey in ministry or the marketplace?
First, remember your call and who called you! When you are centered in these two things, little will knock you off your square. If you make a misstep or start walking in fear, getting back to the core will assist you in getting back on track.
Give yourself wholly to your gifts and callings. The biggest flex is fruit. There will be detractors or folks who won’t believe in you. Fruit speaks for itself.
Develop an amazing support system. Your “Board of Directors,” as I like to call them, should have variety. Include women who are older, younger, those who are doing what you do and those who are totally outside of your industry. Connect with folks who don’t look like you or have your background. In his book, “Disruptive Thinking,” Bishop Jakes describes them as disruptive partnerships. The more the variety in the partnerships, the richer the experience.
Finally, I coach my clients in praying for mentors AND sponsors. Mentors are folks who are where you want to be. They give you advice and use their experiences as examples. They will talk to you about ministry or career and expose pitfalls. Sponsors put you in the rooms in which you need to be. They introduce you to the right people. They connect you to resources. Those in the Kingdom don’t need to be political or play games to get into rooms. We pray, get in alignment with God’s will, and BE! Our gift makes room for us. Sponsors are the ushers who take us inside.
